PARENTING GUIDE: What to do when your child answers back?

Children can get annoyed when they are not allowed to do something that they want. Similarly, parents often get frustrated with their children and ask them to stop. This is where the question of whether kids answer back comes in.

The answer is Yes. Children tend to answer back when they are annoyed or frustrated with what you are doing or saying. This leads to parents yelling and screaming at their kids, which can ultimately be traumatic experiences for both children and parents. Being a primary school in Palghar, Boisar, parents often share their child’s behaviour and seek advice on it. The first thing parents must do is- Relax!  As children grow up, they will learn how to control their emotions and express themselves appropriately. They will also learn how not to answer back when asked a question or listen to their parents who are frustrated with them.

Why do children answer back?

• Children are often told to be polite and respectful, but sometimes this doesn’t work. When a child is having a bad or difficult day, they might answer back or question the adults. This can cause pushback from the adult which leads to the child feeling more insecure and anxious.

• Children answer back because they want to feel independent and secure. This is the key reason why they do not want to be reminded of their dependence on adults.

• At times, children cannot always express themselves in an appropriate manner and when an adult does not understand them they tend to answer back.

• Children may also answer back when they feel like they are doing something that is difficult or they cannot do it alone.

How to stop children from answering back?

When parents and caregivers yell or say no when their children answer back, they are sending a clear message of power and control.  That is not something kids should be subjected to. But what can we do instead? The best way to stop your child from answering back is to take a deep breath, lower your voice, and calmly explain why the answer is incorrect. The golden rule is that parents should always be conscious of their tone and not resort to shouting or other negative behaviours when their children answer back. 

Children back answers can be embarrassing, frustrating, and even toxic for the rest of the family members. If you have a child that is giving you back answers that are disrespectful, don’t tolerate it or ignore it. Instead, teach them how to talk respectfully about others. Set a clear boundary and stick to them so that they don’t feel like they can push it. If a child continues to be disrespectful, then you might need to take some time away from them or even consider letting someone else care for them, such as a grandparent or an older sibling. Remember- it is for the betterment of your child’s future. 

One way that can help a lot is to explain the consequences of answering back. It is much easier for them to understand why it’s not a good idea if they know what the consequences are instead of just telling them not to answer back. In this case, it is best to tell them about the consequences in an age-appropriate way so they can understand better.

Sometimes, despite the fact that children are encouraged to express themselves, they still tend to back-talk and not listen to their parents. One of the reasons that kids don’t respect their parents is because they may lack self-awareness and empathy. These skills can only be developed when children start doing activities with their parents and other adults in their lives. Parents should also take into consideration what they themselves might be feeling in the situation and try not to become too upset with their kids.

Often children are scared of their parents. This behaviour can be stopped by talking to children about their fears, encouraging them to express themselves, giving them a pat on the back when they do something good, give them a hug when they answer you without answering back. This works like a magic at times!

Final Thoughts

Teaching your child how to stop answering back needs patience and time. One of the most common mistakes parents make is to tell their children to stop answering back. But this rarely works. It only makes the situation worse and children start to feel like they are not listened to or respected. Stop children from answering back by changing their behaviour in a polite way. Parents should give firm but kind reminders and avoid punishments that will lead to resentments. Make sure that you are not only teaching your child the right thing but also impressing them with your patience and calmness. Do your best to be their role model. Trust us; this works.

Sanskruti World School, the best CBSE School in Palghar, Boisar, always encourages positive parenting. We believe children should be given a happy environment to express their emotions freely. If they feel valued, they become confident and happy individuals. Get in touch with our teachers for counselling. We are always here for you and your child!